Vanities & Vexations by Ney Mitch

Author:Ney Mitch [Mitch, Ney]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9798886531909
Publisher: Melange Books, LLC

Chapter Ten

THE WEIGHT OF LETTING GO

When we returned home, I had to sit up with our family until it was time for bed. When doing so, Lydia wanted to speak about the party, but I assured her that we could do it tomorrow when we walked to town. After all, that was the day which the regiment was to enter Hertfordshire and there would be a great fanfare.

When I went to my room, I got undressed as quickly as I could, put a lit candle on the desk, opened my journal and began to write the events of the party.

Before I began to write about my feelings on the subject, there was a knock on my door.

Closing my journal and wrapping my shawl around my shoulders, I told the person to come in. The door opened and I was surprised to see that it was Jane.

“I thought you would be awake,” she said, closing the door behind her. In her nightgown, with her hair fallen down the sides of her face, she looked more radiant than ever.

“What is it?” I asked.

She sat down on my bed.

“After what happened to you this evening, I was worried about you.”

“About me?”

“About what Mr. Darcy said to you. I could see that you were affected.”

I closed my eyes, realizing what she was talking about.

“Oh, yes. I had done so much to forget it.”

“I didn’t mean to have you remember that unfortunate moment.”

“No, I am listening.”

“I came to comfort you,” she said, “I know that it was very wrong of him to speak so. Your comment was neither rude, indiscrete, nor offensive. It was a simple comment.”

“Thank you. For a moment, I doubted myself. Jane, I was very—I was hurt.”

“I know that you were.” Walking up to me, she kissed my forehead. “You are not to blame for anyone ridiculing you when your words are innocent. Life is like that, however, where you will be faced with cruelty.”

“What was worse, is that I am angry with myself. I could not think of anything to say back to him, as a perfect response.”

“In such cases, you would do well to be better-guarded through silence. A young lady has more to gain, and a stronger since of fortitude, when she refrains from the vulgar act of seeking revenge.”

“But is that all there is for us?” I asked her. “Why can’t we speak?”

Jane looked at the floor for a moment, and then she responded.

“Because it is not proper. Before anything else, I want you to be proper.”

I bit my lip and looked at myself in the mirror.

“If you are the good sort of girl, then all sorts of rewards will come and find you,” Jane stressed, “and since you are a kind and joyous girl already, you can grow into the ultimate woman.”

“I don’t know if I can… I don’t know if I can stomach such a limp existence.”

“Limp existence?” Jane laughed quietly. “And what does that mean?”

I thought of Charlotte’s advice to Lizzy about Jane’s reserved manner. Though I hadn’t remained long enough to see how the conversation ended, I had heard enough.

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